Dirk Gently (Season 1)

Alright, we’re back after the holidays and an extended vacation from reviewing. It seems that the Sun has also been on holiday seeing as we haven’t seen daylight in Saintes since before the New Year… on the bright side, this weather’s been great if your New Year’s resolutions were to, say, avoid melanoma or perhaps be more generally wet. This year is shaping up to be a good one for all the French vampires and pretty trash for everyone else.   Moving on. All this ~ not-being-outside~ has given me some time… Read More


Chapter 10

A lyric poem, in the style of Finn the Human. Hit it. Trekking through the desert, With my lorn convoy No food, no water I’m a worn-out boy, When I first came here It was just me and FT We got a little boat And sailed out to sea I dove real deep And saw lots of things Like fish, and sharks And monsters that sing I unplugged the ocean And fell through a hole Met a cool Zebra And ate a lump of coal Then I opened a door And saw an… Read More

Chapter 9

I stepped out onto a decrepit front porch. Wood creaked beneath my feet, and as I tasted the air around me, a shudder ran down my spine. It was stale. It even felt stiff upon my skin, like it hadn’t circulated in years. I doubled back and reached for the door I came through, but it revealed only the inside of an abandoned home. Like the wood that supported the house, my bones were beginning to creak, and I hurried quickly from the porch to the road, looking for a way out… Read More

Chapter 8

The door, fortunately, was a push door. I doubt I’d have been able to pry it open otherwise. That said, upon its opening the water sucked me down in a vortex that pulled me every which way-and-when. Past the threshold went little ol’ me, and head over heels I tumbled like Alice into an aquatic rabbit hole. Down, down, down and then up! My trajectory, best I could tell, was a parabolic arch that slung me down, then up, then down yet again. This way, that way, I didn’t know where I… Read More

Chapter 7

I looked in on some of the abandoned offices as I descended and I wondered what had become of all the workers. Had they met the same fate as Ms. Smith, banished to the forest below? Below the lowest level of the complex, I saw a matrix of unearthed pipes that still clung to the building’s underside. I also saw something quite extraordinary—whereas before I’d thought that the building was simply floating through the air by sheer willpower alone, that turned out not to be the case, as I came upon two twin… Read More


(a.k.a. Why you should give a shit) A man sits on a couch. He’s black, like a lot of other people in the U.S. He hasn’t got a lot of money—like a lot of other people in the U.S. He’s sitting on the couch and he’s reading a book when suddenly he shouts at the top of his lungs: “Well why tha’ fuck should we care?” Another man comes out of the kitchen. He has sex with the man who’s reading on the couch, not currently, but frequently, unlike a lot of… Read More


“Where are we going?” Now we’d emerged, out from under the black veil and MG was dragging me briskly along. “We’re gonna find you a ride back home,” she called back over her shoulder, “How good are you on physics?” “Uh, I’m studying to be an engineer so…” “That’ll have to do.” We hustled along until we happened upon a parcel of flat ground, bordered by a few medium to large lunar rocks. MG situated me in the middle of the clearing and took a few paces back to the perimeter. “Right, so, now… Read More

Chapter 5

I walked into the waiting room of a Ms. Smith. The room was sterile, tidy, and modern. Hard edges, simple shapes, and negative space; a geometric taste that said future without actual signs of progress. I tasted the air. There was nothing, and my feral heart called out from my chest; I knew I couldn’t live in a place like this. The air lacked texture.  My spirit would die here, while my body carried on breathing in air without character. I sat down on a rectangle. On a table to my left… Read More

Chapter 4

Summer came to a close. So it goes. The weeks came to pass and as they tend to do around this time of year, the leaves began to fall one by one. Like the leaves, my friends too began to fall away, one at a time. Thomas was the last to go. I went to visit him before he moved out. We didn’t talk about him going away, but instead focused on things we’d done over the last four years.  The adventures were many, far too many to count, and still for… Read More